Defeat and How to Never Let it Win

Something happened to me recently as I started my day out — I had some setbacks and obstacles, and I just felt really defeated.

You might think I’m supposed to be exempt from these things because…I’m a coach; I’m supposed to be an encourager; I’m supposed to be somebody that’s winning!

Instead, that day I just felt like I was sliding down a hill. I felt and acted like I was defeated. I wasn’t taking the actions that I should. The good thing is I didn’t stay here in this place and let defeat win.

Here’s a couple of tips that should help you out when you have a day like I did. Don’t let defeat take you out!

First of all, get clear about what is happening in your situation. Instead of wallowing in your defeat, take ahold of it and turn it into a learning experience. By doing this, you can turn it into a win!

You might ask how can you do this?

Change your mindset.

Instead of just staying in that defeated mentality, take action by asking yourself these questions:  What is this thing that is defeating me? What’s making me feel like I can’t achieve today? What’s preventing me from making forward progress?

Identify what that challenge or problem is.

Put that problem that’s defeating you on the sidelines. Then ask yourself what are the things right now or today that I can do that can get me back into winning. What can I do to move forward, feel better about the situation or help me feel like I’m making progress? Don’t let defeat keep you down.

Wrestle defeat to the ground.

You can do this by putting it aside and saying the pity party is over. I refuse to feel defeated. Game over! That match is finished!

Focus on learning which leads to winning.

With defeat set aside, focus back on the things that are going to bring you into a learning mode. Learn from your situation and from there you can move on to winning for the day.

Hopefully this will help you realize that you don’t need to stay down in that defeated state. You can overcome defeat and turn it into a lesson of learning and then move forward to the winning stage.

I know that as an entrepreneur, business owner and leader this is something you deal with all the time but nobody really wants to talk about it. We all have challenges and can feel defeated at times.

But the key is to not stay there. Get clear about what the problem is. What is it that is defeating you? Why do you feel defeated? What is going on and/or what’s happening? Then, change your mindset and move on to do something counterintuitive to that problem or challenge. You will then be learning from your situation and winning in the long run!

We’d love to hear your story of how you’ve turned a defeated situation into a win! Send us an email and tell us about it.


by , January 27, 2019
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Your Employee is Your “First Customer”?

Have you ever thought about your employee as your “First Customer”?

We’ve talked about this before in another blog, but in case you missed it, I wanted to share again that our philosophy at Confidence Coach when we are helping companies grow is for them to recognize that their greatest untapped resource is their employee — who we refer to as their “First Customer”.

Nobody knows more about your business. Nobody has more interaction with your customers. Nobody has a greater bearing outside of you for your company’s success, than your employees do.

So in order to start thinking about your employees as your First Customer — thus increasing employee participation, engagement and enthusiasm — ask yourself these questions:

1. What do you do for your (paying) customers that you could do for your employees?

Are there any discounts on products or services or is there something you do at events that you could also do for your employees? It could be any number of things and only you can answer that question. Be original! But, you need to start recognizing that your employees are your First Customers. Start thinking of them in this way and create an “experience” for them like you would create for your paying customers.

2. How can you serve or support your employees better?

It’s a simple question, yet if they are your First Customer and they’re so important, you should be thinking about how you can serve and support them in a way that would help them do a better job at work. If they feel supported and know you really care, this will increase their performance and also improve their attitudes at work.

3. What do your employees need from you in leadership?

How is that to be done? What are they looking for? Have you asked them what they need as far as leadership, vision or direction for themselves, for their unit/division of the company? You need to have that conversation. I think you will be surprised at what you hear.

4. What are your employees’ stumbling blocks in their work?

What’s getting in the way of them reaching their full potential to produce, serve and make a happy repeating customer? They should be able to tell you these things and then you need to know how to overcome them.

5. What are three things you will do to improve your First Customer (employee) experience?

Think about three things you will do this month to make your employee experience better. The first thing you’re probably going to say is:  you’re already paying them; we have benefits, vacation, etc. But those things aren’t enough in today’s economy because employment is basically zero. There are a lot of jobs out there and not enough people to fill them. Do something different and think about them as your “First Customer”. What are three things you could do for them that would give them a greater sense of value, appreciation and support in the work that they do for your company?

Helping companies view their employees as their “First Customer” is just one of the processes we use. If this peaks your interest, we also have a process called The Dream Employee. We love working with business owners and their employees. We also love to help employees tap into their greatness to exponentially grow your company! Reach out to us at confidencecoach.org and schedule a free catalytic conversation today to help you with your First Customers.


by , January 20, 2019
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The Gratitude Experience

Gratitude is something that I’ve been practicing for the better part of my life. A process called The Gratitude Experience is also something that we teach our clients.

I’ve found that gratitude is deeply important to me both in my business, personally, and also in my faith life. The practice of gratitude on a daily basis is something I started as a young child not even knowing what it was called then. I realized early on that gratitude could carry me through the most difficult situations and had great value in creating more of what I wanted out of life.

The things that we are grateful for grow as we become more aware of them, so that’s why we talk and teach about The Gratitude Experience. Here is a little simple formula that I follow and want to share with you so that you can practice gratitude too.

Record Daily 3 Things You are Grateful For – answer these questions for each thing that you write down:

  • WHAT am I grateful for?

  • WHY am I grateful for this?

  • What PERSONAL IMPACT does this have for me?

I’ll just talk you through three examples and let you see how I would answered in each scenario.

Question:  What am I grateful for?

Answer:  I’m grateful for my wife Orlena.

Question:  Why?

Answer:  I am grateful for her faithfulness and love that she’s expressed to me over the last 40 years.

Question:  What’s the personal impact?

Answer:  Her love and faithfulness give me confidence, peace, joy and love that only she could give me.

The second grateful statement might be I’m grateful today for my granddaughter Ellie. She is our first grandchild.

Question:  What am I grateful for?

Answer:  My granddaughter Ellie.

Question:  Why?

Answer:  She’s a gift from God that has come into our life when we thought that there may not be a possibility of a child – but she’s here now and a year and a half old.

Question:  What’s the personal impact?

Answer:  For me being a grandfather is a great joy for my life; more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for.

Maybe the third one would be work related.

Question:  What am I grateful for?

Answer:  I got a new coaching client.

Question:  Why?

Answer:  By coaching them I get to see their transformation and see them experience all the success that they want in their business and personal life.

Question:  What’s the personal impact?

Answer:  This is what I was made to do. This is where I get energy. It doesn’t feel like work; it just feels like something I want to get up and do every morning. I’m passionate about it. Coaching is my thing. It’s my God given ability, purpose, and mission in my life.

So these are just some quick examples of how to record the three things you are grateful for. We also have a course on gratitude. If you want to know more about it or if you’d like to implement this in your personal life, company or for your own business, just reach out to us and let us know.

By incorporating The Gratitude Experience at work, you’ll find it is also a great way to end a meeting, a week or a project that you’re working on. If you use the gratitude experience, you’ll not only see your attitude changing about things, but the attitude of all your employees and your customers will be impacted by practicing this on a daily basis.

The practice of gratitude is something that we believe is a lifetime thing. We believe it changes the quality and experience of your life in the most positive way. As you can see, we love to teach and talk about it!

The book that I wrote (The Biggest Disability is a Bad Attitude) actually has a whole chapter around The Gratitude Experience. I share the whole story of my coming into gratitude. If you’d like a free copy of my book, you can sign up on our website and we’ll send it to you at no cost or you can get it on Kindle or Audible.


by , January 13, 2019
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The Daily Habit

The beginning of a new year seems like a good time to talk about The Daily Habit. Right now people are making New Year’s resolutions and goal setting for the year. And some people are doing both!

Something that I teach and coach with our clients is a process called “The Daily Habit.” It is unique for each person. I wanted to share it with you too so that you can transform your life into more of what you want it to be.

Steps to Your Daily Habit

Before we get started, take out a piece of paper or maybe a journal so that you can write down things as you are reading this.

The Daily Habit process is very simple and you start with this first thought and then follow through with the next steps.

  1. Think about three habits that would change your life dramatically. Write those down (here’s where the journal comes in handy!) You know what I’m talking about. We all have those things that we’ve written down in year’s past as New Year’s resolutions. We’ve tried to do them before. Be honest and write down your top 3 habits that would dramatically change your life.
  2. Pick one habit out of the 3 that would make the biggest impact in your life. Write that down.
  3. Describe this habit in detail. Meaning, what exactly is entailed in this habit that you would do on a daily basis. Maybe it’s a very simple habit. For example, one of my daily habits is to floss two times every day. It can be simple like this or it can be more detailed.  
  4. Record the activity of your habit for 90 days. This is where the journal comes in handy or you can use the calendar on your phone. Whatever works best for you. The main thing is to track and check off your habit everyday that you do it so you have a sense of accomplishment and winning. 90 days is about how long it takes to create a habit.

You will discover as you focus daily on that one habit for 90 days that it will just become automatic in your life. If you don’t do it, you will feel like your day just isn’t right; and that’s how you know it is a habit. It’s just part of your daily routine.

The secret sauce when you start this process is telling someone else that you are starting a new habit. Either tell us, your family or a close friend so that we can help you be accountable.

My own story

I thought I would share my own real life scenario of how I used The Daily Habit process to create a habit in my life. This wasn’t something that I had ever done before but it has paid huge dividends for me. About a year and a half ago, I wrote down 3 habits and picked one. The one habit I chose to add into my life was journaling. This meant writing in a journal every day and asking myself a series of questions that I would answer every day. I’d never done that before.

I committed to creating the habit of journaling every day. In detail what this means is I have a journal and I ask myself a series of eight questions that I answer every day. I have to admit at first this was awkward, cumbersome, and even difficult. But, I kept going and when I got about 90 days into it, it became something that I anticipated. I found myself enjoying it and got great value from it both personally and relationally. Now, I love it and have kept doing it ever since.

During the process of creating this habit, I shared with my wife, my kids and even my coaching clients, that journaling is something that is an integral part of my daily routine. And so I wanted to share with you how it’s done and how it could work for you too. Your habit doesn’t have to be journaling; but that’s my story.

You might ask, does it have to be business related? It can be.

Does it have to be a physical habit? It can be.

A lot of people want the habit of working out everyday. Some other physical habits might be: going for a walk every day; getting in 10,000 steps everyday; eating a healthy breakfast; making five sales calls everyday.

Whatever your daily habit is — pick 3 things and then pick 1 to work on for the next 90 days.

Go through the steps I’ve given you and then share with us your one habit that you’ve chosen so that we can help you be accountable. We want to encourage you and help you celebrate your achievement at the end.

We love to celebrate these wins, these habits. Remember, pick a daily habit that is going to have the greatest impact on your life. Only YOU know the answer to that and what that is.

Thanks for reading this. At Confidence Coach we’re here to help the entrepreneur, the business owner, the CEO, reach everything that they want their life to be and help them achieve their hopes, dreams and aspirations. The Daily Habit is just one of the ways we do that.

Make it a great day and may 2019 be your best year ever.


by , January 6, 2019
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Your Life

At Confidence Coach we are all about helping you create clarity and confidence in your life. When you take a break today, go to lunch or before you go to bed tonight — ask yourself these three simple questions.

  1. What is it you DON’T want in your life?

Take out a piece of paper or notebook and write down all the things that you don’t want in your life. This might sound like a strange question, but we tolerate a lot of things, interferences, and/or distractions in our life that we don’t want. For some reason we allow these things to stay in our lives and they aren’t productive. So write down all the things you don’t want in your life right now.

  1. What are the things that you DO want in your life?

Make another list and go ahead and write these things out. Really think about what’s important and want you want. Be honest and creative.

  1. What’s in the way from what you want?  

Most of the time it’s the things you don’t want that are getting in the way of what you do want. You need to get rid of these things.

So that’s our challenge for you today. At Confidence Coach, we are are all about challenging, encouraging and holding people accountable. We want to help you eliminate the things in your life that you don’t want and also help you increase your time, energy and focus on the things you do want!

By focusing on the things that you want in life, you can experience transformation, clarity and create a better feeling about your life and your business.

That’s it for today. Ask and answer for yourself these three simple questions. We’d love to hear from you about it. If you’d like to have me actually take you through the process and coach you, please schedule a free coaching conversation on our website. We will help you get the clarity and confidence back that you want to have going forward into 2019.

 


by , January 3, 2019
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